Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
