I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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