who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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