They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
