I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
