it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
