do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
