I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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