So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize