I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
