We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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