I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
