HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
