I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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