I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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