it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
