As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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