I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
