Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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