my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
