Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
