apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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