11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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