Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
