My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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