I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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