I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize