Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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