I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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