If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
