do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
