I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
