The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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