i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize