I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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