Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
