i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
