I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
