i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
