do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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