The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
