Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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