a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
