So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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