if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
