recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
