I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have feelings that need drinking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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