i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
