just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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