Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
