so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
