i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
