You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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