We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
