ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
