She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
