Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
