my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
