My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
