this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
