You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
