I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
