Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
